The HIDE restaurant: Lord Snooty served Humble Pie

TO BE CLEAR, this isn't necessarily a formal review of The Hide restaurant because the highlight of my evening was a customer who reminded me of Lord Snooty. I was sitting by the window overlooking Green Park, a fantastic view with floor to ceiling clear windows. On the flip side, people on the buses viewed me too, like being in a gold fishbowl. Disconcerting at first, but I soon got used to it.

A champagne coloured, chauffeur-driven Phantom Rolls Royce pulled up as I looked onto the road. Exit Lord Snooty with his lackey carrying his bag and running ahead to open the restaurant door.

So that you know, I have a distinct hatred for snob-like behaviour and spoilt children.

When Lord Snooty and his lackey came upstairs a few minutes later, there was a huddle of staff around him. I could see his agitation and soon realised that the table by the window he wanted was booked for another group of four.

After nearly 20 minutes of Lord Snooty huffing and puffing, you could see his lackey's expression knowing that he probably fucked-up with the booking. I had massive respect for Julian, the manager of the Hide, who gave a masterclass in dealing with an arrogant and unpleasant customer and made him realise that he was not as important as he thought.

After offering to buy the table for £1,000 and talking to the restaurant owner, he eventually had to accept the table initially provided to him, which had no view and was next to a service area. Maybe he should have offered the family £1,000 for their table. I'm sure they would have taken it. I know that I would have. A few minutes later, not even the hooker (wearing white, butt shorts) who joined him for dinner could lift his mood. Maybe it was because he had to eat a lot of humble pie.

Now back to The Hide, which was recently rated London's best restaurant. The interior feature of the restaurant was a wooden staircase shaped like an acorn, which was striking. An excellent idea was having little stools for the ladies' handbags. The food was beautifully prepared and presented by nice, knowledgeable, and pleasant staff members. I ordered the Taster Menu; although the portions were small, the wine list is as good as it gets. The staff were excellent, the music was okay, but the ambience was a little Pizza Express ish with simple wooden tables and chairs and little atmosphere. Finally, I did wonder why it was called the Hide when there was nowhere to hide!

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